Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Chemo 5/6 + Mom Start of Round 2 Chemo

Heading down the home stretch here. I figured out about a week ago that one session of chemo at the fusion ward costs over $6K. I wonder if that includes all the meds? Who knows. I guess I can ask my insurance company for an accounting after this is all done. So many years of paying premiums with no problems. Guess I'm getting even, huh?

I'm making my lunch and taking it today. The hospital food just has a terrible connotation with me and I get so nauseated eating it. PB&J today with clementine oranges. You can bet when I get my doggie after this whole thing is over, I'm naming her Clementine. Those things have been my saving grace, especially when I need to nibble every 3 hours in the days after chemo. TIP OF THE DAY!

Bill and Jackie are both sick so Bill's at home with the baby today. Dad is going with me. A dear friend, Sylvia, is coming up to stay with my Mom (she had chemo yesterday). She's still kicking butt and taking names - no Neulasta shots just a B12 shot. She'll have one other session, then a PET to get a bead on the shrinkage of all tumors. Then she'll have 2 more sessions. She's still wonder woman. If you recall from my earlier post, she's had such measurable decreases in some places the report stated the lymph node area was completely resolved. The power of prayer. What a wonderful thing.

Steroids are evil. I sweated my way through the night. Just 2 doses and off it went. That's one particular thing heading the list of things I won't be missing about this whole mess. I know they are necessary but boy, do they make me miserable. Then I get some more in my IV today - OH JOY!

We had a serious scare with our old kitty, Maui. She started leaking urine and wetting in various places 3 days ago. We confined her and monitored her in addition to giving her some anitbiotics. She was exposed to poisoned pet food in March 2007 and is the only surviving kitty of 3. She's rallied big time and is out of confinement. Kidney failure in a cat is a painful thing to see. They go downhill so quickly with the inevitable visit to the vet to ease their pain. At least for right now, she's with me. And she's back to being sassy. She's particularly mad at O'Malley (orange tabby in the front page pic) because he thumped her on the head when she was sick. He's back to being nice, wretched orange kitty that he is. Clyde waited outside the door until we would let him in for a snuggle with Maui. He's a doll.

I couldn't find Clyde yesterday anywhere in the house. I checked every room and finally found the fuzzball under the covers of Katie's made bed. This is his new thing. I just need to file that away so I don't panic next time I can't find him. And I need to remember that it's not like he doesn't have the world at his feet in this house. He has very little desire to go outside :) Wonder why?

Have a good day everyone!

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Anxiety

I can feel it starting. The chemo I hate so much is just a few days away. I have things to do around the house before I go out of commission for a week. Laundry, putting away gifts- I can just feel the anxiousness getting a grip on me. Little by little, it undermines my peace of mind. Really annoying but there's nothing I can do about it. Bill will be dragging me out of here on Tuesday while I dig in my heels.

Jackie is sick again. This time with a relatively high fever and a nasty cough and congestion. I trip to the Doc on Friday got us a bottle of cough syrup with codeine. Doesn't help much at all. Bendryl works better. I have slept sitting up the past 2 nights to help her breathe better and stop coughing. To say I'm tired isn't adequate. I'm going into chemo 5/6 with a serious sleep deficit.

I do not know what I will do if Jackie can't go to school on Tuesday. She needs to be fever free for 24 hours. Usually, she kicks these things quickly but this time, she isn't. Our Doc said he thinks this is a whole new cold from the one she had 4-5 weeks ago. Yay. Gross. Why her? Because it's a test of my fortitude.

Sorry to be grumpy but I really want her to be well. There's just no way to wash her hands enough and keep her from coughing in my face all the time. If I tried to put a mask on her, she'd take my head off :) Poor baby - she even is telling me when she's tired which she NEVER does at all. Usually it's a long dissertation about why she doesn't need a nap.

Ill do a Christmas post later. Christmas was so happy that it doesn't deserve to share a post with grumpy me.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!


MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!

Hope all of you have a wonderful day tomorrow! Virtual hugs to all of my blogging friends.

And in the spirit of Christmas, check out this link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IMebLG8WtrY


My husband tells me it takes about 6 months to get this song outta his head :)

And Harry Connick's Sleigh Ride :) Love me some Harry Connick Christmas music!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YCUwpKspFG0

Again, MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Monday, December 22, 2008

Long Time, No Post

It's not like me at all to go a week without updating my blog. I've been tired, so very tired since my last chemo. And getting ready for Christmas has really wiped me out. It's an easy thing for everyone to say I'm doing too much, etc., but when you have kids, it all needs to get done. Gifts can't wait, cookies can't wait, and wrapping and everything else can't wait. We're really almost done - just a few things to wrap tomorrow from "Santa" and getting stocking stuffers together while Jackie is at school. Stef will be here to help.

We got FABULOUS news last week. We had our first consultation with the radiation specialist. Way back when I first got my biopsies after my mastectomy, at issue was the lack of clean margins to the skin level. Of course, not all the tissue can be removed below the skin and there was speculation that I would need another surgery to remove the skin on the right breast and graft tissue and skin from someplace else. This issue has been hanging over our heads since late August and finally, it's been addressed by the radiation specialist. He feels that the margins will be clear after 6 1/2 weeks of radiation. So no extensive reconstruction surgery. I'll just have to have my expanders swapped out for real implants. Ya Hoo!! This will knock a good 2 months off my recovery! I was so distressed and didn't know it until I was on the way to the appointment and started to cry. I didn't stop for quite awhile.

My plastic surgeon has refused to fill the expanders until I finish chemo. He said there's too much of a chance of introducing an infection despite the radiation specialist having no problem with the filling happening immediately. The skin needs to be stretched. Plus, I'm doing special exercises to work my right arm to get my flexibility back. I guess I'm out of luck in the expander department. Last chemo is January 20th and my planning and simulation appointment on February 2nd. There will only be enough time for one expansion since nothing can change after the simulation. Oh well, I'm just putting this worry into the Lord's hands and praying that everything will work itself out.

Jackie refused to tell Santa anything last week. She was petrified as soon as she saw him. However, we did write him a note and she managed to stretch an arm out to hand it to him. He gave her a bag of candy so she has decided that's Santa is not all bad. She just won't go anywhere near him at all! Both girls loved it last night when Santa came driving by on the fire truck. Sirens blaring, flashing lights - the works! Jackie is still trying to figure out how Santa can be on a pickup truck (for talking to the kids,) at the mall, and on a firetruck too. He's a busy guy!

Steffie asked Santa for world peace, an end to world hunger and a lip gloss. She's a mess :)

Got a blood count tomorrow. Looking SO forward to that (not really). One of the sweet vampires there gave me some topical cream to put on my arm 1/2 hour before the draw. I cry every time it hurts so bad so Muriel helped me out. Topical lidocaine - yay! I'm also supposed to put the stuff on my mediport before chemo. My port seems to be contrary right now. The nurses had some trouble drawing blood last chemo and it really hurt when they hooked up my IV. I'm using the lidocaine next time.

Seems weird to have a few extra days until my next chemo. I should've gone on Christmas but since I can't, it's bumped back to Tuesday since Jackie will be in school that day. 5/6 done next week. I'll relish those 4 extra days.

Be well everyone and Merry Christmas!!

Monday, December 15, 2008

Christmastime stuff

Hi!

Thought I'd post a pic of my lovely ladies last night. We went to a Christmas party and all of us had a wonderful time. We got to see old friends, eat good food, and bowl for hours. I wore the evil wig again and I must say, it's still hot as blazes and feels goofy. Mom says I need to wear that thingy under it that's like a nylon cap. I don't think I'm into the cat burgler thing yet.

I'm feeling better. Had to get back onto the wagon last Thursday. My vision was cleared enough to drive. That's a rather annoying side effect. I don't feel too much fatigue now though I still drop off for these absolutely awesome naps at the blink of an eye. Slept about 5 hours straight last night. It does get annoying to see 4 a.m. roll around night after night. I was up at 6 a.m. yesterday so that was a very long day.

I've been writing at Helium alot. Chugging out the Christmas articles since those are the ones that make the most money during this time of year. This might be my very first month with enough ad clicks to generate a payout. Most of the time I sell articles to make my payout. Still waiting to hear on one article that I prepped on Thanksgiving morning. That would be a treat if it got picked. $120 for an article is a pretty good payout.

On the Christmas shopping front: I've done some on line shopping but I haven't yet ventured into the masses. I'll need to do that soon but I'm gonna limit the time I spend among the crowds. I think I'll be going in the morning, early. And I have to get all that shopping done this week since Steffie finishes school on Friday. It'll be really nice to have her around all day.

Bill now has the evil cold and he sounds terrible. He's so afraid of giving it to me he actually leaves the room that I'm in.

We have an appointment tomorrow with the radiation specialist. I sincerely hope the issue of the clean margin on the lower half of my right breast is addressed once and for all. I also need to see Dr. K about some information we are missing from Hopkins. The oncologist up there was taking a second look at my biopsy slides to also make a plan for this margin issue. Is this a case of too many cooks in the kitchen or what? It's like directing a symphony.

As you can see from the picture, the Christmas tree is still standing. The cats seem to like messing up the tree skirt. I've only found a few ornaments on the floor and it's quite debatable whether it's Jackie or the cats. The birds are getting quite sassy - banging dishes when the seed cups are empty. It's a zoo around here!

I can't get Jackie to branch away from Brenda Lee's Rocking Around the Christmas Tree or the old classic Frosty the Snowman movie. I got her the DVD set of Christmas specials and she said Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer scared her. When talking about Santa, she also told her Grammy that she "doesn't really like that guy." She's always been wary of men and just in the last year will go to Poppa, her Uncle Joey and the other men in her life. She's a cautious thing. Maybe I can get her to at least stand by Santa this year. Baby Jesus, Mary and Joseph are now a big hit. She carries the pieces from her Veggie Tales nativity set around with her.

Santa does come around the neighborhood tonight. Can't wait to see what Jackie does. It's sure to be interesting. I'm definitely not telling her he's coming or she'll fuss about it all day long. Ah, the drama!

Steffie has her very first exam today. Please, anyone reading, send up a little prayer for peace and serenity for my girl. She's extremely nervous. I did remind her that her teacher isn't the evil type that wants them to fail :)

Be well and have a good day!

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Back in the Saddle

One week of fog is enough for me. I was really scared on Tuesday because I was literally not here. I was dizzy, out of balance, and not me at all. I'm very afraid of not having my whole 2 weeks of feeling good out of every 3 week chemo session. Since it's cumulative, I keep expecting it to whack me hard. It's starting to. I can feel that. It's a deep feeling of "I don't care." It isn't phasing me yet that I have nothing bought for Christmas. I need to do that. I'll need to wrap everything. I guess I will eventually.

I slept downstairs last night. My bed just isn't comfortable. I have gotten less sleep this time around and I feel it. These stupid night sweats are awful. My tummy was acting up and I just decided to spare the house my nighttime wanderings. Clyde kept me company.

I did manage to sleep for 5 hours straight. I don't know how, but I did.

I went to get my compression sleeve yesterday. I hate the thing. It hurts and I mistakenly dozed off and puffed my arm up even worse. After speaking with a therapist who specializes in lymphedema massage, I understand now that it's not a cure-all. I need the therapy and there are very few therapists in the area that do this type of massage. So I got on the horn with the insurance company so I could get someone to help me. Turns out the best isn't on my insurance plan so I'm hammering at them to get my way.

Here's something to make your skin crawl - I can feel when the arm starts draining. It's a bubbling feeling under the skin right at the top of my rib cage. Like something is under the skin. Intermittent but there. It wakes me out of a sound sleep it's so disturbing. Gross. I'm sick of gross.

Lymphedema massage is extremely light touch massage that stimulates the lymphatic system to drain. Half of this therapy is massage, the other half is compression wrapping and exercises. I need to see someone soon because I'll need 1 week breaks for my chemo sessions and then in February, I start radiation. I can't have massages with radiation.

I want to get a handle on this now. I'm sick of having a swollen arm and hand. It hurts all the time and I'm sick of hurting. Chemo is making me hurt enough. I did find out that some of the problem is from the steroids. Nothing I can do about that. I sure a tootin' don't want to hear that I need to tough anything else out. And I certainly won't have a problem telling anyone where they can stuff it if they happen to tell me that again.

Pain ages a person. Inside. Discomfort does the same. It's insidious, it's all the time. It interrupts sleep, clouds the mind, and causes depression. I'm not interested in living this life tanked up on painkillers to ease this discomfort. I have to admit that this crap has been going on since the afternoon of August 21st and I'm completely, utterly, absolutely sick of it.

So there.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

A Chemo Patient's Biggest Fear - Germs

Steffie and I had a talk last night about hand washing and such. You see, I got an e-mail from a friend that said there have been outbreaks of norovirus in our county at various events and nursing homes. This just freaked me out. We all came down with norovirus after a plane flight a few years ago. Miss Cast Iron Stomach (ME) couldn't even withstand the onslaught.

Back to Steffie. She is concerned because her very closest friends aren't as careful as she is with hand washing and such. So I explained to her last night that she needs to tell them why she washes her hands to the count of 20, under the nails too. And that her Mom cannot be exposed to germs willy nilly because of my situation.

So we got into blood counts, platelets, anemia, and all the assorted things that get "counted" once a week with me. And where we pick up germs. Grocery carts, door knobs, bathroom door handles, desks - and that a huge number of bacteria and viruses can live for days on surfaces. Then she wanted to know why this was so dangerous for me.

I told her it's for 3 reasons:

1) My immunity is low. Both good and bad cells are being killed with chemo and my body isn't strong enough to fight off even the normal bacteria. Case in point: chemo patients must defrost foods in the fridge over time or in the microwave instead of on the counter because foodborne bacteria can grow quickly at room temps. She thought this was gross.

2) The eyes and nose are the perfect hosts for bacteria, both normal and adverse. We touch our eyes and noses alot each day. When on chemo, these areas tend to be more prone to dryness and cracking, making a perfect little avenue for bacteria and viruses. By the way, everyone's eyes and noses are good hosts.

3) Chemo patients are on a mission to complete chemo. Nothing should impede this schedule. It's a test of our will, a test of endurance and opportunistic illnesses really screw this up. It really isn't fair for anyone to expose us to germs and viruses. It's an extremely dangerous situation that can land us in the hospital with the blink of an eye. This is a very real and serious threat, and frankly, I don't go to church because of the risk of being exposed to illnesses. It isn't paranoia - it's just too dangerous.

So she had a mission today - to talk to her friends about cleaning their hands better, being careful around her because of her Mom, and taking better care of their own hands so they don't get sick. She's even considering how she stuffs food in her own mouth with her hands. She's so funny. All of these questions are very timely because a few of her friends did science experiments for the science fair where the actaully examined the effectiveness of soap, antibacterial soap, and hand sanitizer under a microscope. The results were very gross.

Jackie is doing very well washing her hands too. I bought her a special soap container and she happily sings the ABC song in it's entirety every time she washes her hands. Down to the "Next time won't you sing with me!" Very loud and offkey :) She even does it at school, after I requested that her teachers supervise her hand washing.

So there it is. Germs and chemo - a nasty mix.

Monday, December 8, 2008

Mom's Great News!

Mom had a PET scan on Friday and we got the best news tonight. Mom's small tumors in her lungs are almost nonexistent and the one on the outside of her liver is termed "markedly" reduced. That means the chemo is working.

It's not only working, it's kicking cancer butt!

Our oncologist is the best. And I say this not simply because he's making strides with my mother's treatment. This is a man who walked her through breast cancer 5 years ago and who I chose to care for me through my breast cancer. I trusted him from the moment Bill and I stepped into his office because he was honest, sincere, and acknowledged the grief we were feeling. He helped us make the weighty decisions of choosing a bilateral mastectomy, given my type of tumor and finally deciding to let go of the chance to have another child.

Dr. K has been a godsend of hope and vision with my Mom. Not only did he hold their hands, but my own when he told me her initial results. He's never minced words. But what he absolutely has that so few other doctors have is vision. He sees to the future, what he wants for his patients - what his patient's want and need. It's a gift and a powerful thing. Faith in his knowledge and truthfulness.

There's no miracle cure for any of this but as Dr. K puts it, he's in the trenches so he knows what's going on. And he's convinced me totally.

I know this has been terribly hard on everyone at his office and on Dr. K too. The folks that see me and Mom weekly, chat with Bill or Dad--all of them the very same folks who cared for my Mom 5 years ago. It's been so difficult. Dr. K was so excited tonight he couldn't wait until tomorrow to give Mom and Dad their news.

We couldn't have asked for a bigger blessing this Christmas. No bigger gift. It's just absolutely amazing.

Progress...one baby step at a time. But we have progress and that's an incredibly deep and hopeful thing.

Decorations are up and I'm feeling better!

funny pictures of cats with captions


funny pictures of cats with captions
more animals
more animals

And finally, if this isn't true for a chemo patient, I don't know what is!!!!!

funny pictures of cats with captions
more animals

Friday, December 5, 2008

Baby Jesus and Advent Chains

Jackie took some talking to about Baby Jesus. And the Advent Chains ended up causing a screaming match because she had to race Steffie gluing her loops together. With chemo, the hollering just all seems like nails down a chalkboard. But after 1 trip up to her room for timeout, we managed to get Jackie's chain done. Steffie cheated by breaking out the stapler.

We also made a huge Advent Chain for the Christmas tree. I cut out daily inspirations and Steffie alternated these white pieces with red and green. It's just beautiful. We needed something to have for daily activities. But also, we also need to fill up the holes on the tree from where we cannot put the glass bulbs this year. O'Malley is still boxing with the branches and Clyde is ignoring it totally. I know that will change when the ornaments are put on :) Those will go on tonight or tomorrow, after Bill gets the replacement stand today.

I also made a few smaller chains for Jackie's ficus Christmas tree. She wants her own, for some reason so it's got a strand of lights and now two paper garlands. Silly miss. It really does look very cute!

I'm missing my Christmas decorations. I decided not to put anything out but I might change my mind. Bill has gotten me some of the most gorgeous but simple glass ornament balls and candles. And a light up snowman that I'm missing. I'll think about it. Stef and Bill are planning to do the outside this weekend. Eddie the skeleton is still hanging out in the front yard on the tree stump. We need to bring him inside and put his Santa hat on! AT least it will be easy for them - just unplug the orange lights and install the white ones - the plugs are all still there!

Back to baby Jesus. I started my story with explaining why we do Advent, that it's a time of thinking about why we celebrate Christmas. This launched into the question, "Does Santa like Baby Jesus?" and it went down hill from there. I did try to break up this explanation with more information on Jesus, who I told her later grew up to be a big person like Daddy. Then she fixated on Jesus being a big person like Daddy for awhile. Finally, after seriously considering the roll of duct tape in the garage, I got her to get the gist of Jesus' message. Then I quizzed her a bedtime. She did retain all of it and she remember that Jesus' birthday is Christmas. Yay!!

We're also going to start the "giving" this Christmas. Steffie's school is extremely active with Shepherd's Table charities in Rockville and with an Catholic unwed mother's home too. They've all put in requests for items so I'm gonna let Jackie go shopping for some things for the babies. She'll love that but I think I might keep her away from the toys and more in the bibs, blankets, baby stuff aisles. Less screaming, yes?

All in all, it was a good night, despite the set backs. Noise just reverberates in the few days after chemo - it must be the steroids. My face is red as a beet and feels hot. Eyes are puffy - no sleep last night. There just isn't any way to sleep comfortably with my right side being so swollen. If I lay on that arm, it puffs up like a balloon.

Why am I awake? I've been awake since 5:15. Not comfy in the tummy department and I had a headache. So I'm typing, go figure?

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Chemo 4 - SeeYA!

4/6 done. I slept through the entire infusion - thank you IV dose of Ativan. My nurses are the best. It took a long time today - I guess the pharmacy that gets the chemo drugs was seriously busy. I was there from 9:30 until 4ish. What a long haul.

But, I had time to relax and while I'm still so tired, I'm proud of myself for doing another round. 2 more to go. There's no way to do these treatments except to the fullest extent and full bore. Thinking too much about the pure poison going into my body freaks me out so I don't think about that at all.

The only thing I can equate the feeling after chemo to is the worst imaginable hangover. It's brutal - mostly minus the headache. Like a wet rag feeling. And a feeling of "I don't care about the dishes, cats, food, etc. cause I'm too tired." It's like being a lazy bum. As Bill said today, my job is to try to be as well as possible and focus on me. He's a gem!

I've only gained 3 pounds since chemo started despite the steroids. I'm also still ovulating so we'll see that happens towards the end of this week. I've got some super powered hormones to withstand chemo. Periods are still like clockwork. It's shocking the docs and nurses. Chemo and cramps aren't fun though. My nurse explained that anything my body chooses to do normally is the best thing for my body. Typically, premenopausal patients have to get sterility tests after finishing treatments. Guess we'll have to see about that.

Made my appointment for the radiation specialist today. I'll be seeing him on the 16th and the clear margin issue will be addressed again. Radiation is planned for 6 1/2 weeks. Its standard practice now when 1 or more lymph nodes are involved. I had 2.

Bill's Mom is coming Sunday - YAY! I am so lucky for Sue. Love her!

Jackie made a gingerbread house today in preschool using a small cardboard milk containter. She was so excited to get to school today. She came downstairs and hugged her container throughout getting ready and then for the whole trip in the car. She also made me a beautiful get well card. Thank God my baby is handling all this so well. She does like to steal my hats though...little monster!

We're making Advent chains tonight. It's time to really teach my Jackie about the true meaning of the holiday. Steffie was such an easy child - she's got built in compassion. Jackie is like a 40 pound wrecking ball. But she's starting to use reason so I think we'll be having a talk about baby Jesus. Hope it goes better than it did last year :)

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Normal is great and so is Mom

I did normal today. Lots of normal house and writing stuff. It calmed my nerves quite a bit. You'd think after 3 chemos I wouldn't get so nervous but I surely do. It's like being up high - I hate heights. I can barely breathe at times I get so scared.

I talked to my healthcare assigned nurse today for almost an hour. She wanted all the nitty gritty on treatment, my hair, my family, and my side effects. We got into an at-length discussion about my lymphedema. She thinks that I need a compression sleeve and PT with a lymphedema specialist. There's a therapy center near the hospital, close by! And she also thinks the nurse will train Bill in simple lymphatic massage to help with the drainage. She also said, unequivocably, that I shouldn't have to even consider right now feeling pain in my right arm for swelling.

I still have writing to do so this post will be short. Laundry is done, house is picked up and my head is screwed on straight again.

Mom had chemo today and everything went well. She's probably sleepy but she went out to dinner with Dad and some friends tonight. Her dear friend Pat (Hi PAT!!! I love you!) went to chemo with her for a second time. What a wonderful support system. More family than friends!

O'Malley has decided he likes boxing with the Christmas tree that is tipped over on it's side cause the stand broke. He stands up on his hind legs, just like a squirrel. O'Malley is the handsome orange kitty in the picture to the right who has somehow fooled me into thinking he's the only well-behaved kitty in the house!

Outta here! Ciao for now!

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Look Good...Feel Better

Mom and I went to this wonderful program today held at the hospital. Look Good, Feel Better is this seminar held by the American Cancer Society and a number of companies that provide cosmetics for cancer patients. We had a great time.

We did makeup with the help of a cosmetologist from the cleanser on up. I highly recommend this program for anyone undergoing chemo. At first, I was skeptical and simply going cause Mom wanted me to but I really had a good time. I'm a lotion and mascara and go type person. Not really foundation and other stuff. But lo and behold, I learned about hiding some of the effects of chemo - like the puffy eyes and dark circles. With tips that really work. What a surprise.

There is a website you can visit if you're interested at www.lookgoodfeelbetter.org. The seminar was run through our local hospital so I'm gonna be giving a big shout out to the lovely ladies who did our seminar today - Gwen, Peggy 1 and Peggy 2. Just a great and supportive bunch of gals. Of course, Gwen knows Mom and I from chemo in the fusion ward there and she spoiled us rotten (as did our nurses from the fusion ward).

Please look into this if you can if for nothing else, it's a great break and a treat at the same time. The kits they provide are loaded with goodies from companies like Lancome and Clinique, tailored to our own skin tones. I had a good time putting some makeup on Mom :)

My platelets are up so I'm on for Chemo 4 on Thursday. I've been nauseated since early afternoon and I don't know if it's because I'm nervous or from my cold. I am dreading chemo, just dreading it. My positive attitude seems to have gone right out the window along with my energy. I've had alot of on and off crying jags this week. Facing your mortality over and over at age 40 is so hard.

I'm not into the Zoom mode I was in before my previous chemos. I'm doing laundry and maybe I'll have all my ducks in a row before Thursday, or maybe not. I'm really tired. Could be from my busy day. My wonderful cleaning ladies come in on Thursday and Blanca and Dannie always fix me up good. I'm so tired that I may just let them fix it all for me.

Steffie scored seriously on the Science Fair. She was top 5 in her 6th grade class. What a coup! I'm very proud of her for doing so well when I was feeling so very poorly.

I did write 10 articles yesterday so that might be why I'm sleepy. Who knows. I have a few more to do tomorrow so I hope I sleep tonight.

I've noticed that my sleep caps don't stay on at night. They other morning, I woke up with my nightie pulled over my head like a hood :) This morning, I woke up with a blanket over my head. Bill thinks I'm crazy! Gotta laugh when I can. And today, my nurse sent down some soft knitted caps to the seminar, one of which just might stay on my head at night!

Found out that I can't be scooping kitty boxes while on chemo (gotta remember to tell Bill that). Toxoplasmosis is just as dangerous for chemo patients as it is during pregnancy. Whew - got outta that job!

This post is all over the place.

Sue, I'm praying for you that you handle your first session well. Renee - my west coast chemo partner - it's your last session, doll and you're doing great! Prayers are said and more to come for your Vic. Kathy - vacations exhaust even totally healthy folks so keep your chin up!

Mom, you're kicking chemo and cancer butt and taking names! Keep it up!! Love you!!!!!

Be well everyone.