Sunday, December 28, 2008

Anxiety

I can feel it starting. The chemo I hate so much is just a few days away. I have things to do around the house before I go out of commission for a week. Laundry, putting away gifts- I can just feel the anxiousness getting a grip on me. Little by little, it undermines my peace of mind. Really annoying but there's nothing I can do about it. Bill will be dragging me out of here on Tuesday while I dig in my heels.

Jackie is sick again. This time with a relatively high fever and a nasty cough and congestion. I trip to the Doc on Friday got us a bottle of cough syrup with codeine. Doesn't help much at all. Bendryl works better. I have slept sitting up the past 2 nights to help her breathe better and stop coughing. To say I'm tired isn't adequate. I'm going into chemo 5/6 with a serious sleep deficit.

I do not know what I will do if Jackie can't go to school on Tuesday. She needs to be fever free for 24 hours. Usually, she kicks these things quickly but this time, she isn't. Our Doc said he thinks this is a whole new cold from the one she had 4-5 weeks ago. Yay. Gross. Why her? Because it's a test of my fortitude.

Sorry to be grumpy but I really want her to be well. There's just no way to wash her hands enough and keep her from coughing in my face all the time. If I tried to put a mask on her, she'd take my head off :) Poor baby - she even is telling me when she's tired which she NEVER does at all. Usually it's a long dissertation about why she doesn't need a nap.

Ill do a Christmas post later. Christmas was so happy that it doesn't deserve to share a post with grumpy me.

3 comments:

Sue in Italia/In the Land Of Cancer said...

You are certainly being tested. Dealing with a sick child when you know you are endangering yourself yet you need to be a mom. Unfair!!!! I am finding (with my limited time in Chemoland) that I have the most energy right before a new cycle starts. I am hoping that Jackie gets better before your new cycle begins. It would be a rare person who wouldn't be grumpy with this situation.
Wishing you strength
Sue

Kathy said...

I hope you have a well-house soon. I can guess that it doesn't help your anxiety worrying about yourself getting sick, too (I mean on top of stupid cancer).
Take care,
Kathy

S. F. Heron said...

Thanks ladies. I whined too much and jinxed myself. Billy came down with the rebound cold from hell at work today. We've juggled people and Bill will be here with Jackie tomorrow and Dad will be with me. Our lovely family friend who was adopted years ago is staying with Mom tomorrow. Bill can't go onto the ward when sick. I think I'd sleep in the garage if it wasn't so cold.

Hugs to you both. Kathy, happy belated birthday! I went back through your posts and saw I missed it. Virtual chocolate cake heading your way!!!!!!

Hugs,
Sharon