Wednesday, November 19, 2008

It's cold outside and it feels good!

I went outside today and outside is cold! Under 30 degrees. We've been spoiled around here with the mild weather in Maryland - it's time for winter. For some unknown reason, I like to be cold and outside when I'm coming out of chemo fog. Could it be the hot flashes????

And then I stuck 2 extra blankets on the bed, go figure.

I started feeling a little better last night. I just crashed on my bed after 8 p.m. while the MD basketball game was on the computer and got up every 15 minutes for bathroom breaks. At about 9:30, I started feeling better. I didn't sleep - just read and rested. And I felt better. I think I slept in a 3-4 hour stretch last night too. Take a picture!!!

Sorry if I worried anyone. I don't usually get down about all this. I had my pity party over the summer and I have too many munchkins counting on me to be strong. Bill is a rock - I don't need to have me a whine and cheese party too often. I really am tired of pain. My chest hurts all the time. My arm hurts. Add my stomach and head to the mix with chemo. Sometimes it gets to be too much. I know the plastic surgeon hasn't finished his magic and that my reconstruction is in limbo. But it hurts. I'm swelling for no stinking reason and IT HURTS!! Did you know it hurts??

I pray my rosary over and over again in my head when I'm like this. It doesn't happen very often and the Blessed Mother gives me strength. Anything more complicated in the petition department just makes me cry. I can't get my head around asking for anything. I don't want anything except strength and Mary gives it to me. I think my Grandpa is up in Heaven pulling some strings for me with her :) He was such a devoted man.

I have lost every single solitary blond hair on my thighs - I find this really hilarious since I never noticed they were gone until yesterday :) And I don't know where they went!! Eyelashes and eyebrows still hanging in there. Head has a little bit of hair that I haven't cut yet. I wonder if I'll lose my arm hair? My nose has no hair. I still have the very fine hairs that chick's have on their faces. It's most bizarre. And funny. If I can't find funny in all of this, I'd be crying all the time.

Not gonna do that.

I fall asleep so fast in my chair, it's amazing. Like a switch someone turns off. And then I hear absolutely nothing at all. Those are really good naps :)

Might go have one. I'm all over the place with this post. I think my brain is misfiring :)


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