Saturday, August 16, 2008

One day at a time

A dear friend told me last night that I need to take this one day at a time. 1 minute, 1 hour, 1 step. She went through a devastating illness with her daughter. And she adamantly told me that the only way she could cope was one day at a time. Just right now, just this minute. It's gonna be a big change for me.

I'm a planner so I organize way ahead for things. I need to quit thinking that way until this is over. I guess laundry days won't be Monday and Tuesday anymore - they'll be when someone gets to it. Cleaning up the toys right before bedtime won't be the usual anymore. Everyone around here is in for a rude awakening soon. They'll have to find their own lost things, wash their own dishes, track down their missing toothbrushes and hairbrushes. But I think they can handle it.

Jackie is having a very hard time. At 3, she simply can't cope too well with the anger she's feeling that I'm sad. She's acting out by being nasty to her sister. It's gotten way out of control. She screams and cries at the slightest thing. Everything must be her way. I've decided I'm going to discuss this with her every day. I don't want her to be broadsided when I go into the hospital.

I've told her Mommy has a boo boo inside her breasts. I also told her they will be taking it out and giving Mommy new breasts. My reasoning behind this is sound. Children need information and if she's walking around in the unknown, she'll be even more afraid. Not only that, she's a half-pint linebacker. She throws herself into my arms. She can't do that right now and probably won't be able to tackle me for quite some time. Far and above the most important thing is that she understand Mommy will be fine. She's not gonna believe it until she actually sees it.

I'm just 5 days away from surgery now. The waiting is nerve wracking. Hurry up and wait.

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