Steffie said something to me the other day that astounded me. She said she believes it's a good thing that I got cancer because we all realize how important life is. She firmly nodded her head when saying it and then tooled right out of the room. She holds it as truth, clearly.
She's a perceptive child - always has been. At 12, she's developing into a lovely little lady. But the outside isn't nearly as important as the inside. One charming and heartwarming trait lies in her kind heart. She's always been a softie, more sensitive than anyone else I know. I hope she keeps that trait with a little armor around her to protect herself a little through life.
Sometimes I wonder why people stumble into my life. I have the answer in Bill. His personal strength is astounding. He has handled the rocking of his world with kindness, compassion, and abundant love. He's tolerant of my pain, moodiness, and fear. Nothing makes him angry. He doesn't get annoyed at me when I feel down or pissed at my slow progress. He lifts me up - always. My Billy is truly a fabulous man, wonderful husband, and great father.
Jackie has handled this all so well for a little tyke who doesn't really understand what's going on. We simply tell her that Mommy has an inside "boo boo" and she snuggles close. I can tell at times that she worries because she'll ask me about my day when she's gone to school. She's also experiencing some serious anxiety when Steffie isn't around. Whether this is a product of my illness or normal 4 year old drama, I'm not sure. We soothe her and she moves on.
Jackie seems to want everyone to tell her goodbye before they leave her. Especially Steffie. Maybe somewhere in her head she knows that Sissy will take care of her if Mommy isn't around. Despite the in-fighting and yes, they do bicker alot even at 4 and 12, Jackie knows she can go to Steffie for comfort. I'm glad she knows.
We parents have the job of making our kids grow up friends as well as siblings. It certainly is possible to grow up in a home as strangers to the people we live with - it happens all the time. Not my girls. They need to be strong individuals, strong in character and in the heart and supportive of family. My girls need to be here for each other if they ever have to face the beast if I'm not around.