Snarky

I'm in a snit today so I'm taking a cue from from my dear blogger friend, Sue and hunted across the Internet to find a list reflecting "stupid things people say to cancer patients." This actually made me laugh hysterically when I saw just how many things on the list had been said to me, especially the Lance part. Sheri rattles these off in her blog on a regular basis.

What we have here, world, is a lack of communication!!

So here goes, borrowed from a blog called Pink Prozac. Please forgive the profanity but I wanted to post it in it's entirety since it's someone's work, not my own. Italicized words are the author's comments - not my own.

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"the past is in the past and the future is unknown. you can only live in the present and that's why its a gift"

"you could step off the curb tomorrow and get hit by a bus" (not a good analogy, its like i'm standing blindfolded in the middle of the fucking freeway with 100 of them coming at me) or (its like i already got hit by the bus and now its backing up over me)

"you gotta think positively" (ok, i'm positive i had cancer, and i'm positive that it wasn't fun)

"my (fill in blank here) had (fill in type here) cancer and that was (fill in number) years ago. you'll be fine"

"your lucky you didn't lose weight on chemo. (fuck you!)

"so, your fine now right?"

"don't worry"

"so things are back to normal now right?"

"my grandmom died of that" (oh really, well fuck you!) or (gee, is it hereditary?)

"they burned my so and so's heart and lungs when he had radiation"

"nice fro"

"God gives you what you can handle"

"what's your prognosis?"

"can i see what's going on under that hat"

"if anyone can beat it, its you" (no shit!)

"at least you got a good kind of cancer"

"if its not your time, its not your time" (then why bother with surgery and treatment? duh!)

"life is not fair" (thanks for the heads up, asshole)

"every cloud has a silver lining"

"its just a bump in the road" (living with a cancer diagnoses, losing your hair, getting poison injected in your veins, having breast surgery, getting radiation, having old lady bones, being cautious for lymphodema, gaining weight, not sleeping well, having hot flashes, being depressed and anxious..is not just a bump - its a major fucking mountain)

"remember lance"

"you gotta be like lance"

"lance beat cancer"

"just look at lance"

"wow, that went by fast, didn't it"? (um, yeah, two surgeries, chemo, radiation; 6 months have never flown by sooo quickly for me)

"i had a friend with cancer but i think her chemo was more intense than yours" (maybe i just didn't whine as much)

"just think, your done"! (done? I'm done?..i guess i'm done with cancer everyone. nothing left to do. How about hormonal therapy, all the side effects, more boob surgery and worrying for the rest of my life about recurrence..fucking done my ass!)

"you look good bald" (WTF?)

"so was it (the cancer) bad?" (oh no, i had the good kind)

"did they catch it early?"

"wow, your head is really big"

"well, is it working"..(how am i supposed to know, its going to be a fucking wait and see for the rest of my life, thank you very much)

"this is a treatable disease"

"you will be able to recover from this"

"you have a nice shaped head" (thanks)

"how do you know if its working" ( i die, if it didn't work)

"you know you can eat more curry, its supposed to kill cancer cells" (great tip)

"you'll be fine, you have a great attitude" (if attitude really matters then why did i get cancer in the first place? or does attitude only matter after you get cancer? right now my attitude about cancer is lousy. what does that mean?)

"if you really want to live, you will. just never give up. when people give up, they die" (if i were hit and killed by that bus would they think i died because i gave up?)

"i'll be thinking about you getting chemo while i'm laying on the beach", "have fun while i'm gone" ( i don't know what she was smoking, but i want some of that)

"well, just remember, its only temporary" or "don't worry, it will grow back" (doesn't help asshole)

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If I ever thought the world wasn't going to hell in a handbasket, I just needed to read this list. God's truth, I look at the kids of today and watch them losing basic communication skills due to their inability to communicate in anything other than IM and text message abbreviations. Can you imagine what a list of this sort will look like 20 years from now?

Horrifying thought.