Friday, March 6, 2009

Eyebrows, lashes, Katie's Birthday and VoodooDolls, in no particular order

Today has been eventful. For alot of reasons. Let's begin with the brows and lashes. Ladies and gentlemen, I want to let you know that even months after you finish chemo, the demeaning effects will continue. Long after you've gotten your last dose of juice, your body will still be doing things against your will. Case in point, eyebrows and lashes. I went through all of chemo and now I'm 6 weeks out (jan. 20 last dose) and lo and behold, NOW I'm losing my brows and lashes. I have peach fuzz hair on my head, I hate warm hats, am having hot flashes, and the only thing that's kept me sane in my lashes and brows. This is really pissing me off. So now I get to look forward to looking 100 percent like shit without even mascara and eyeliner to save me. Lucky me.

Why does this happen? Because chemo kills those cells that grow the slowest last, i.e., the lash and brow cells. And while I might be acting a little wretched because these treatments are supposed to be saving my life, right now I feel like complaining. I've put up with alot and there's more to come. I keep hoping to dig myself out of this quicksand.

On to voodoo dolls.

Our dear friend Aunt Pat has one in her possession. And Pat wants rid of the thing. Apparently, you need to wrap these things in a white cloth and place the doll inside a metal container to trap it's bad aura. Needless to say, the doll has been out of it's wrapping for the last year for some unknown reason. The original owner left this thing with Pat (I think to get rid of it easily).

Pat's determined to dispose of it.

Enter me and Mom. Pat springs this on us today at breakfast. "Help me get rid of this thing." For whatever reason, some people choose to believe these things or at least, be afraid of what they don't understand to garner a healthy respect for it. So our task is to investigate how to get rid of the voodoo doll. No problem. Just google, right?

I call Bill with this story and he concludes that none of us are allowed to touch the doll. We don't need any more bad luck or the perception of it. Bill has a healthy respect for the unknown, having seen a ghost in Hawaii with his brother in law. His Dad also lives in a haunted house on the northern neck but that's a story for another time.

Back to the Voodoo doll.

VoodooMama's website has all the details of how to get rid of a voodoo doll and guess what? The site also sells a Voodoo Doll Disposal Kit for $14.95. Yay! Nope. Pat decides this needs to be done tomorrow because the bad luck is getting out of control. Scratch VoodooMama's disposal kit. Not enough time.

So how does one get rid of a Voodoo doll? All you need is a site on consecrated ground to dig a hole, the doll wrapped in a white cloth, matches, Holy Water, and sage candles. The idea is to dig the hole, put the wrapped doll into it and set it on fire. When it's completely burned, sprinkle Holy Water on the ashes and bury it completely. Then you go home, bathe completely, and take the rest of the holy water and bathe in that too. Burning the sage candles in the four corners of your home helps cleanse the home. Oh yea, it has to happen on a Saturday too.

I want to add at this point that this is not an ordinary voodoo doll but instead, one bought from a serious practitioner in Jamaica. As in chickens-hanging-from-the-ceiling real. This lady made the doll and sprinkled all kinds of herbs and what not all of it. And instructed Pat to keep this thing in a metal box. Pat was purchasing this thing for a friend. A friend who left the thing with Pat because she probably read VoodooMama's site a realized this stuff isn't easy.

Our biggest problem was (note past tense) getting enough Holy Water to do this for Pat. She was speaking to her sister (who's conveniently 3 hours away) and she says "You're surrounded by Catholics so just have them get some for you." Not as easy as it sounds. This is a job for Poppa. We all agree on this. Mom calls me and asks me to explain this to him.

So I do. And he busts my chops on everything I say. I guess I may have started with the VoodooMama site and worked my way through a very roundabout explanation. Suffice it to say, he deadpanned on everything I said and then mentioned that he was just talking to someone at work about how he's surrounded by a bunch of crazy women.

As I mentioned various aspects of this "ceremony," I told him that we planned to burn and bury the doll in the woods behind the neighbors house. Pop then says he thinks its great that I'm trying to get him arrested for setting public land on fire. He's friends with the local fire station guys so I just asked him to tell them what we were doing and invite them to help. If he could've crawled through the phone to strangle me, he might have!

I got to the part of the Holy Water and asked him if he'd get it for Pat. Poppa states that he thinks stealing Holy Water from a church to have a ceremony to dispose of a Voodoo doll might violate his credit report with God. I'm howling at this point. Then I ask him to talk to Father so he doesn't have to be dishonest. We both concluded that Father would have all of us in for counseling if we approached him with out request.

I've mentioned on this blog before that's he's a drama and my girls come by it quite honestly. He comes in the door today and promptly rolls his eyes at me. But then he doesn't take off his suit, stuffs a plastic container in his jacket, intending to go up and get some water. Remember that he's had an hour or so home from DC to plan his approach. He didn't let me in on it though so I'm worrying about his God credit account (as Steffie calls it) and him being arrested.

I head out to take my girls home and call him about 15 minutes later to ask him, simply between us two, to fill the bottle from the faucet and just say it's Holy Water. Lo and behold, he had already been to church, filled the bottle and returned home.

Now I'm worrying that Father has video cameras installed in the church :)

It's our Katie's birthday today - the big 19. Happy Happy Kate!!

1 comment:

Renee said...

Lady, you keep me in stitches.

I totally understand about the eyebrows and eyelashes! Isn't that the pits!!!! Dark eyeliner really does give the illusion of lashes.

It's good to know that there is life after this journey.