Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Chemo 6/6 today

Final chemo is today. I have some very mixed feelings about all this. Being in the throes of chemo is very reassuring since I'm checked every week by Docs and vampires to make sure my blood is doing what its supposed to do. Bill and I both feel we've made excellent choices in our physicians and in the treatment plan. Second guessing anything at this point is fruitless.

However, I do feel that I'm hitting the point of being cast adrift. That's amusing since I'll soon be seeing a Doc for radiation every day of week :) Hey, it must be Dr. K and his staff. They are a fabulous bunch of people, just the best at calming me and taking care of me. I don't freak out easily but I think I'm approaching the freak out mode soon. I love the wonderful gals on the infusion ward. Supportive of me and my family, kind and gentle. They spoil me rotten - and Mom too. The best ladies, just the best!

This final chemo is a double edged sword. I want it done but then I just hate how I feel. Some part of my brain always says "maybe it won't be that bad this time" but then it is. I'm lucky though that fatigue and tummy issues are my main concerns. Bill's Mom is coming into town tomorrow to provide her specialbrand of love and support.

Heather, a blogging comrade in this fight, is going through a terrible ordeal with fluid around her lungs and in her body. If anyone reading this believes in prayer, please include her. She's in a terrible way. Her blog is listed in my blog list if you're interested in her story as are the blogs of other women facing every thing imaginable in this breast cancer nightmare. Deb has just started treatment and seems to be kicking fanny and taking names with regular reports that she's feeling normal. Please God, let that continue. Sue is in Michigan, freezing cold and in the midst of Adriamycin chemo. You're almost done, Sue - hang in there. Renee, west coast "twin" of mine, had chemo every 3rd week on the exact day I did. That was pretty funny. She's in radiation now, thank goodness. Renee, bless you darlin. You're nearing the end of your medical road with this hoop jumping nonsense. It's almost over. And Kathy, who's 15 months out of final chemo and dealing with debilitating fatigue. You are on my mind every day, Kathy, with prayers for some resolution soon. I love that you are being innovative in seeking out alternative treatments to help yourself. Positive thoughts always for you.

And Mom, find your gumption and keep it fueled with how much we all love you. It will be okay - I can say that because I'm sitting on the front lines of this cancer. We have a plan for you, Dr. K has a plan for you and God has a plan for you. Have faith in that.

Steffie and her friend Chrissy will travel with Bill and I to the hospital today. I'd like her to meet the nurses in addition to really seeing what Mommy goes through for chemo. At 11, she needs to be aware of the magnitude of health issues and quite simply, the bigger picture of the world that doesn't always focus around friends, texting, IMing, and her :) She'll be fine. My girl is tough, easily as tough as me. Except alot louder :) Dad has brought multiple pictures to the infusion ward for the nurses to see but Steffie in person is different. She's a beautiful, delightful girl. A mess, but a joy. God's greatest gift to me.

Jackie is sporting ANOTHER cold, cough and snotty nose. I've been pounding the poor child with the coedine cough syrup from her Doc. This cold just recycles over and over again with her. And me and Bill. Steffie is immune because she eats copious amounts of salt and vinegar chips. I swear this acts as an antioxidant. The child never gets sick.

Dad is doing Inauguration activities today downtown. It's going to be chilly and he's coming out of a cold. Hope he stays warm and INSIDE as much as possible. Good man...no make that great man. He's a rock with a little drama...no make that LOT of drama...thrown in.

And Bill is my rock with no drama. Kind and calm all the time. He puts up with my "grumpicites" being high and is genuinely happy when my "nicecites" are up too. He finds humor in all this which helps so much. He's like a caveman in his policing of this whole mess with me. What a great guy. He even tells the vampires that I attack him when my blood counts are low :) Always adding funnies to this whole nightmare to make me smile.

When I post next, I will be done with chemo.

Imagine that?


Sue in Italia/In the Land Of Cancer said...

Congratulations on your last chemo!!!! I am so happy for you that you are almost out of the most difficult phase even if you will miss the infusion nurses.
My good news is that they will let me do the 3 week radiation protocol that Renee is on even though they have plenty of reservations.

Anonymous said...

Hi Sweetheart!

Congrats on your final day. You've made it thru thru the worst part of this ordeal -- of course, after you make it thru the next few days of yuck!!!

It's been with a helpless feeling that Dad and I have watched you go thru this awful ordeal. If I could have gone thru this in your place, I would have done it in a heart beat!

Thanks for your "nice" comments about me throughout your blogs --it's not true that I'm "kicking butt" but at least your resders think so. Actually, I'm just going with the flow.

Hang in there, my Darling. You can now see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Your loving Mom (and Dad, who is finally on his way home after a fantastic time at the Pennsylvania State Society Ball.)